On Dealing With Fear
The reality is that just noting where we are and what we want each week is not enough. If we really strive to be the type of men we were created to be, we must also answer the third question - what are you afraid of?
It’s no secret that unaddressed fear is a form of settling for the current version of ourselves. But what does it look like to tend to those fears?
A worn christian cop-out would tell us that because we are not meant to have a spirit of fear our anxieties don’t need to be addressed. Not helpful.
On the other hand, a self-help guru might say something like: “Do the things that scare you and you’ll be scared less every day.” Again, no help there.
The problem is that when I get honest about the things that really scare me I realize that they are not typically things that are so easy to ignore or embrace.
Let’s just get real and use me as an example. If you asked my friends, my wife, and especially my therapist what truly scares me the top three things would be:
Cancerous cells (back for round two..)
Financial Instability (Former pastor here..)
Being seen as a failure. (Tell me you're a guy without telling me..)
None of these are good things that I should run to if I want my life to improve. That does not mean that I ignore them though.
I have found that a better question to ask is if there are things that those fears keep me from that deprive me of connection, growth, or joy?
For example: my fear of cancer returning causes me to monitor my health in a sort of micro-managing way that goes past any reasonable relationship with food. Because of this, I often don’t allow myself to eat normal things - which really limits my ability to enjoy a night out with friends or a nice restaurant and drinks with my wife.
Talk about a vicious cycle.Now my reasonable fear of being sick again has sabotaged intimacy with people I love.
This is exactly why the third question deals directly with fear - because we often don’t have a good perspective on how our fears are limiting the life we should be living. The life that God has called us to live.
Deal with your fear directly. Name those fears, get feedback on their validity, adjust as needed, and allow the future to be in God’s hands.
Remember, we are a community of men committed to growing in godliness together. When you feel your fear peaking during the day just reach out to the men that sit with you on Tuesday nights.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
1 John 4:18(NIV)
