What Makes A Mentor?
There are two men in my life that I would consider mentors. That’s a statement I feel pretty lucky to say given that it seems mentorship went on life support in 2005 when Youtube launched.
I’m grateful for them, but really they are much more than mentors. I guess they are more like deliberate disciplers. Men who don’t leave other men’s lives up to chance.
I was just fortunate enough to find myself next to them for different seasons.
So what makes a mentor of this spiritual sort? For me, they played the role of counselor, confidant, and, at times, even course corrector.
As odd as that may sound, Proverbs tells us that if we hope to be wise one day, that we must accept perspective and instruction from those ahead of us. (Proverbs 19:20 CSB)
The first man to do so in my life was Stephen. He’s been there since I was eleven years old. I wonder often what life would look like if our paths had never crossed.
Stephen taught me what the truest form of tolerance is. He showed me realtime that “the Gospel comes with a house key.” (Rosaria Butterfield) . He instilled in me how to sit with a person who is flawed, feel their hurt, and forgo a sermon for change through relationship.
Stephen displayed for me how to love someone very different from myself. For that, I’ll always be grateful.
The second man to mentor me was Ben. It’s possible he’s converged with your story as well.
Ben came into my life years later at a time when there did not seem to be a template for handling the problems that were causing me the most pain.
He was my pastor. He was my employer. But he took much more seriously the task of teaching me to be the type of man God designed me to be. Really, I think it was very fortunate that Ben was doing his own work through the Hangar when we met.
For the last five years he has modeled for me how to attack my own anxiety and fear. He has encouraged me in the places where I am gifted, and pointed out where I need growth.
More than anything, Ben taught me that to be a leader we must lean on the men that God has gifted us. He never claimed to always be correct, he preferred to collaborate both professionally and personally. He valued the process of searching. I am grateful he included me.
Both Stephen and Ben are great men who allowed me to be a part of their own journey. They both still speak into mine. And maybe that is something that makes discipleship different from just being mentored.
In his book Mastery, Robert Greene wrote that the goal in mentorship is to ultimately find your own independence once you have internalized someone's wisdom. While this may be the rhythm of an apprenticeship, discipleship is a never ending venture.
It is worth reminding ourselves that discipleship is about becoming more like Jesus. The men who aid in this are simply more acquainted with his character than we are. Maybe they have lived more life. Maybe they have experience we don’t. But they are still growing too.
I think about Peter, who needed to be reinstated, even after spending three years dirtbagging with the Son of God. I think of Joshua who needed to be reminded not to be afraid despite his day job as an accomplished conqueror.
Ultimately, our journey is never done. So too, discipleship is never done.
I would encourage you that if this is something you want, then this is something you can get as well. While the men in my life may be special, there is nothing special about my story. You simply have to take seriously the task of helping and being helped.
And if you’re struggling with the courage to approach someone about discipling you, then just take the advice of author Ryan Holiday:
What many of you don’t understand is just how willing most of these people are to lend a hand. They know what it’s like to be where you are. That you’ve even taken the step of contacting them puts you levels above most of the population.
Ryan Holiday
For further thoughts on where discipleship and mentorship converge, be on the lookout for this Wednesday’s episode of The Hangar Podcast where I am joined by Ben Derrick to discuss this topic.
