Are We Friends?
When you think of friendship, who comes to mind?
There are some iconic friendships that immediately jump to the forefront for me.
I think of Wyatt and Doc whose personalities combined to save the town of Tombstone. Or maybe an unlikely friendship like Walter White and his former student Jesse Pinkman. If you feel like tackling some childhood trauma, maybe we could talk through our thoughts on The Fox and the Hound.
I am still largely convinced that the purest form of friendship is found between two men that share a deer camp like my dad and his friend David. The foundations of their friendship, were you to ask them, are as simple as food plots, shared meals, and Jesus. It’s hard to knock that.
I have been blessed enough to have many meaningful relationships. This is a fact that has been made very evident in the past year.
Countless people have stepped in to steady me when struggles present themselves and I am very grateful. But as things begin to stabilize I have started to consider the fact that I am often guilty of compartmentalizing the people in my life.
I imagine many men in our community do the same thing.
As Hangarmen we have committed ourselves to important work. It’s a serious task to sit with a man, listen to his struggles, and assist them in through the processing part. It requires a good deal of discernment, wisdom, and prayer if we are doing it correctly.
But I wonder how many of us would consider the men in our circles to be friends. Confidants, sure. Counsel or companions, of course. But friends? That really is something different all together.
The truth is that often the Hangar has been used as a first aid kit. A supplement for connection in a stack of survival gear that men have available to them. A seasonal stay for a hurting man. And thank God they feel comfortable to heal here.
But what happens when that man gets healthy? Unfortunately, they often disappear until the next time they need to be bandaged.
I believe that our community should be a place for all seasons of a man's life. I think it’s a shame that we often relegate King Solomon’s words in Ecclesiastes chapter 3 to funerals. What if we actually lived like we could accompany a man in each of these stages:
There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven: a time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down and a time to build; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 (CSB)
What if we challenged ourselves to be present in every season? I think that is what real friendship looks like.
As I mentioned before, 2024 has been complicated for me, but in just this year I can observe each element of this scripture in friendships I hold dear.
Celebrating the birth of children and mourning the death of dreams. Planting roots far from home and uprooting things we thought defined us. Killing bad habits and healing through accountability. Tearing down personal idols and building a list of men we can call when we are tempted to build them back. Weeping over miscarriages and laughing over a pool table or a pickleball court.
Life is so much more meaningful when we choose to do it together. Hard times seem easier and the good times are better with a real friend.
So I would encourage you to look for opportunities outside of our confessional circles to make meaningful memories with the men that God has gifted you. Beers at a ballgame or breakfast in a duck blind will only make Tuesday nights that much more impactful. Proverbs says that:
Oil and incense bring joy to the heart, and the sweetness of a friend is better than self-counsel.
Proverbs 27:9(CSB)
And if you are looking for somewhere to start, then take advantage of our time together this Tuesday night. Meet a man’s family and trade feedback for some good food together.
There will be plenty of time for digging deep at our upcoming Coaching Weekends. For this week let’s start building that foundation of true friendship for every season.
