Discerning Between Wild and Free

I wonder if I am the only one who finds myself alone, driving down I-55, half-way singing to an old familiar song and half-way immersing myself into memories that the song represents for me. 

What is that song for you? Our playlist probably differs, but when nostalgia sets in we can all find ourselves stuck there for extended periods of time. I think about who I was. I reminisce about what and who I cared for in those days. It strikes me how excited I was to simply live. 

A restlessness starts to stir. And an uneasy version of myself is always an ineffective version of myself.

This idea of restlessness has been on my mind the past week or so since I was catapulted into some self reflection by a man clear across the country. If you’re thinking that “he must be a great man to have such an influence from that distance,” you would be correct.  

His name is Jim Bergen, a Colorado pastor in the shadow of the Flat Irons, and a teacher whose ability to speak to men is only bested, in my opinion, by my dear friend Ben Derrick. Jim is a lover of Scripture, a relentless warrior for the hearts of men, and contrasts most pastors in his ability to lead from a place of personal transparency.

Last week Jim opened a new series that he is calling Made for More, in which he is tackling some good questions about our human nature. You can find week one of this series here if you are so inclined. But be warned that you may be sidelined for the week contemplating, just as I have, the difference between our instinct to be wild and our calling to be free. 

I’ll admit that Jim only mentioned this briefly but it was fascinating. And I couldn’t help but wonder: is there a template for us to address that restlessness with the freedom we have inherited in Jesus, rather than stumbling into a series of wild decisions that we’ll eventually regret?

John Eldridge would tell us that a feeling of restlessness is not uncommon, nor should it be unwelcomed in the life of a man. In fact, adopting it for good is the only option because if it is not harnessed it might just kill us. He wrote:

“Without a great battle in which a man can live or die, the fierce part of his nature goes underground and becomes a sort of sullen anger that seems to have no reason.”

It seems we are constructed in a way that needs challenge. We yearn for excitement and novelty. Even as we grow into older men, we see the world as a place to be conquered and an adventure to be had. Simply put: we feel fulfillment when we are put to the test. 

So then when that restlessness sets in how do we ensure we respond out of freedom rather than a need for something wild?

In a discussion about what is wild and what is free, Hangarman Samuel Holder brought it to my attention that most wild things behave the way they do because they are driven by hunger. By a natural need that is not being met. A starved dog bites and it’s hard to blame him. 

In the same way we will never be able to act out of freedom until we have accepted it from Jesus. We can mask it in ritual and religiosity, but church attendance won't free us. Our need has one cure and that is grace through Jesus. 

As men, this amount of dependance can spook us just like that wild animal. We do not want to be cornered or contained. We do not want to be dependent. 

But Jesus states his intentions clearly in John chapter 10: 

 I am the gate. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will come in and go out and find pasture.  A thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.

John 10:9-10(CSB)

Though he may be the only route to freedom, he does not wish to restrain or repress us. He wants you to experience a better life than you could come up with in your wildest dreams. Literally. 

How do we take this from a place of thought to action? 

Let’s be real. The danger here is that we would experience freedom in Jesus, but revert back to our more savage selves when we are under pressure. This is a common theme both in Scripture and in circles within this movement. 

So how do we differentiate when we find ourselves at the intersection of wild and free?

After the past few years I am convinced of two things. 

First, that in our restlessness Jesus is quick to label what is reckless and what is unrestrained freedom in him. But only if we ask. 

Consider his relationship with Peter. In the midst of the storm of Matthew chapter 14, Peter asked to walk on water. Just imagine that. 

I love that Jesus does not label Peter’s restless question as ridiculous. Instead he compels him to test his faith and because Peter listened, he was able to experience a gravity defying moment of freedom no other man in the boat did. 

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter answered him, “command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus.

Matthew 14:28-29(CSB)

It should make us wonder what we could experience if we were just bold enough to ask. 

Secondly, I’m learning that when I’m not hearing Jesus well, it is helpful to sit with men who have. Look for those men who possess a demeanor like the description we read of Peter and John in Acts chapter 4: ordinary men who have undoubtedly spent much time with Jesus. 

When they observed the boldness of Peter and John and realized that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed and recognized that they had been with Jesus.

Acts 4:13(CSB)

God has gifted us other men’s experience as a resource. Listen to their stories. Learn more about what Jesus is like from their accounts of his actions in their lives. 

Freedom will come from restlessness the more we choose this life of connection and consider what could be possible if we just ask.